How to be a Good Parent When You're Human?

For me, one of the hardest things about parenting is that you have to work at it all of the time! No matter what is going on in your life, your children need your energy and attention on a consistent basis, sometimes it seems like they have a need every other minute! I occasionally find it exhausting to fulfill so many demands, but for the most part, I genuinely enjoy the energy I put forth for my kids.

But then there are the times when you simply don't have enough to give. Let's face it, part of being human involves having human experiences, and some of them aren't so great! In every person's life, there are times of struggle, transition, confusion, and chaos. During these periods most of us want to stay in bed, or cry all day, or spend hours on the phone with a friend. But when you have a child waiting to be fed, or put to bed, or taken to school, you simply can't indulge in quite the same way. At these moments, I find myself wishing for a pause button; just a few minutes to regain my energy, before it needs to flow out again.

Obviously this handy button doesn't exist, so what's a parent to do? It can be so easy to underestimate your personal needs when you have children to take care of, but we mustn't ignore them altogether. Sometimes you have to cry, scream, lock yourself in your room, or all of the above! You can't simply put all the "hard stuff" on hold until your kids get older. Life unfolds at every moment, and we can't always flow gracefully through every twist and turn. But maybe that's okay.

Kids should understand that their parents also have emotions and that they don't always have the answers. If we can handle our emotions with honesty and respect, then our kids will learn to do the same. It's always better to teach by example, right?

You never know what is going on in someone else's life, but chances are that they are dealing with some form of struggle. So let's be gentle with ourselves and our fellow flawed humans. It's not always possible to be the perfect parent and simultaneously grow as an individual, but hopefully we can strive for a balance somewhere in between.

I Think We Need a Pet

Yesterday morning, I gave my kids their daily Flintstone's vitamin. Granted, these aren't the best supplements, but sometimes they do the job. Anyway, my kids always fight over the Dino, the dinosaur, vitamins. Apparently, he's the tastiest one in the bunch. Surprisingly, my daughter opted to save her vitamin, saying, "Dino is going to be my dog today!"

These comments don't phase me much, especially when we're in the midst of running out the door. I figured that she would carry him around for a few minutes and then eventually give into the fruity temptation. Once again, I was wrong. Within minutes, she had a carrying case for her "pet", complete with a bag of gem stones; the stones were his treats, obviously! She even attached a belt to the handle of her jewelry box; I assume that this was a leash for Dino. I thought this was a pretty clever idea; she must have realized that putting a leash on a vitamin would be a bit tricky, so she found an alternative way to drag him around.

Her pet accompanied us to a tea shop, the food store, and then to my Mom's house. Dino had lunch with her and then they enjoyed a movie together. Around 3:00 P.M. she started to cry, because Dino was getting a little sticky. She attempted to wipe him off with her paper napkin... you can imagine how well that worked. So then, I offered to wash it off for her, which worked even better, as you might have guessed. Eventually, we had to admit that Dino was a little too slimy to keep as a pet.

She was saddened by the news, but then quickly asked, "Well, when we get home can Fred Flintstone be my pet?" I figured, "Why not?!" Hey, Fred might not be the most exciting pet, but at least I don't have to follow after him with a pooper-scooper!

Sometimes Mama's Got to Dance!

I've avoided making a hooping video for quite some time, but I finally bit the bullet. Motherhood builds up a lot of energy and sometimes you just have to let it out!This is a outlet that works for me, I hope that you all find something that speaks to you. This is by no means a flawless video, but it is an expression of energy nonetheless!

Flat Broke

Over the months I've written about various aspects of parenting, but I've managed to avoid all financial discussions. This wasn't intentional, I suppose my subconscious simply found the topic too depressing to mention. But I've decided that it's time to start talking about the fiscally crappy situation that most us are in.

Here's the thing... I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by intelligent, educated, and talented people. I, myself, am also educated and, dare I say, intelligent and talented. None of my friends are lazy; we're all willing to put energy and effort into our work, yet most of us are still flat broke! What gives?

I know that this is not the case for all parents. I've heard of some elusive creatures that actually pay all their bills on time, take vacations, and regularly stash money into their hefty savings accounts. I believe that these people exist, but I don't actually know any of them. If this fairytale I speak of actually exists, then what are the rest of us doing wrong?

Since becoming a parent, I've watched my peers fall into one of three categories. I describe them as such...

1. The "One-Uppers". The One-Uppers can be defined as the one-income household. One parent stays home with the kids and the other parent works outside the home. If I were to draw a visual of this couple, they would be sitting on an unbalanced see-saw. I call them the One-uppers, because each partner often feels the need to one-up the other. Basically, both individuals are working their butts off, but in totally different capacities. This situation can easily create a power struggle, because both parents feel under-appreciated and, therefore, need to validate why their job is more demanding. In most cases, the root of this power struggle stems from guilt and a need to be valued. The stay-at-home parent feel guilty for not contributing financially to the relationship, but still wants to be recognized for the intense (yet unpaid) work that they are doing. The bread-winner feels guilty for not spending more time with their kids and wants to be acknowledged for the sacrifice that they are making. My husband and I fall into this category. We benefit from this situation, because I have time to keep balance on the home front and my husband has the flexibility to work overtime knowing that our kids are taken care of. Unfortunately, the overtime is never enough, so we're still broke.

2. The "Tag-Teamers". The Tag-Teamers can be defined as the parental unit that works in shifts. I call them the Tag-Teamers, because one parent works all day, and then "Tag, you're it!", the other parent runs out the door. Most couples who find themselves in this situation rely on the income of both parties; often the second-income is a lesser paying part-time job. Theoretically, this set-up makes sense... there is no need to pay for childcare and there is a greater balance of financial burden. Unfortunately, this situation robs both parents of much needed down-time. It also eliminates time together as a family, and often results in limited sleep for one or both parents. This situation sucks, because there are literally no more hours to work, so both parents are exhausted and frustrated, because somehow they are still broke.

3. Finally we come to the "Take-Outers". The Take-Outers can be defined as the two-income household. I call them the Take-Outers, because these parents are often forced to order out every night, because they're too freakin' beat to cook! Let me clarify, that the Take-Outers are not parents with nannies and cleaning ladies. No, the Take-Outers are making just enough to justify their daycare expenses, but not enough to actually enjoy the fruits of their two-income salaries. This situation can get really tricky. In most cases, the combined incomes provide a little extra cushion and the parents can take solace knowing that they are sharing the financial burden. Unfortunately, what is gained in dollars is often lost in sanity. There never seems to be enough time to get kids to daycare/school, the house cleaned, dinner cooked, or work finished. And if someone needs to be home sick, the stress of calling out of work can be too much to handle. So once again, both partners are working like crazy, but still flat broke!

Needless to say, I don't know what the answer is here. The cost of living just keeps going up, and the wages keep staying the same. My husband and I live very simply, so there are few more corners to cut. We have a reasonably priced home, used cars, and inexpensive clothing. We rarely eat out and have spent very little on preschool costs for our kids. Most activities we do are free and we barely spend any money on ourselves. So unless we want to move to a commune somewhere, I don't really know how much more we can do.

It's obvious why I have avoided this topic for so long. This is a problem with no clear answer. But I do want to say this... I think we're all doing a pretty great job! Whether you're a One-Uper, a Tag-Teamer, or Take-Outer; we're all doing our best to take care of our families. It's not easy to raise kids, but we all care enough to keep working at it, and I think that deserves some recognition. So in between stressing about our mortgage payments, I think we should also give ourselves the occasional pat on the back. And for anyone out there raising kids as a single parent, I tip my hat to you! We may be flat broke, but we all get an "A" for effort!

The Most Important Thing I'll Ever Do

There are many things I hope to achieve in my life. I would like to write a few books, travel through Europe, become a successful entrepreneur, master the art of gardening, create a delicious marinara sauce, and learn to sew the perfect wrap dress, or a perfect anything for that matter! Yes, I would certainly appreciate the opportunity to reach these goals, but they will always pale in comparison to the most important thing I'll ever do, which is to love my kids.

I'll admit, it sounds simple, but answer me this... How much better would the world be if every parent loved their child? I can only imagine how far-reaching the benefits would be if every parent was able to provide their child with this one gift. This gift wouldn't require money, or intelligence, or back-breaking work; it's accessible to everyone. Loving your kids doesn't require perfection either. All it requires is the ability to recognize, accept, and cherish your child for who they are, that's it.

When I put my kids to bed at night, I often take a few moments to admire them while they're sleeping. In these moments, I'm not distracted by the noise of life. No one is asking me for anything or arguing, everything is quiet. This is the most magical time of my day, because when I look at my children I can truly see them. I forget about the stress of the day and can forgive myself for the mistakes I inevitably made along the way. I'm able to do this, because I know that at the root of everything I do, there is love.

So no matter where life takes me, I will keep this as my ultimate goal. Books and pasta sauce are great, but they are meaningless, unless they can be shared with loved ones. If I can succeed in loving my children throughout their lives, then I trust that they will be able to pass this love on to their children. My hope would be that this love will continue to pour forth with each generation. So you see, this is why loving my kids is so important. Love has the power to continue long after you are gone and is the only thing that doesn't fade with time. So while you're out there striving to achieve your material goals, keep in mind that these accomplishments will eventually be forgotten, but the love you put out into the world will last forever.

The Age of Insanity

Soccer practice
And ballet
Little League
What can I say?

Piano lessons
Karate too
No time to play
Just do, do, do!

Family dinners
Have become passe
We must produce!
It's the American way!

Cell phones ringing
On Facebook we meet
Technologically crazy
Why must we Tweet?

Moms are stressed
Dads are too
Always running
Too much to do

Can't take a breath
Walls caving in
This is your life
Not a game to win

You have a choice to be
Not do
Your children are drowning
And so are you!

Poo Water

Sometimes being a parent is so hard that you want to scream; often it's so hard that you actually do scream! Other times it's frustrating beyond belief and you wonder how you will ever keep your last shred of sanity. And then there are the occasions where you are so exhausted that you want to cry, but sometimes you're even too tired for that!

Yes, it's safe to say that parents experience a very wide range of emotions. Fortunately, amidst all of the craziness, children manage to throw in some huge belly-laughs when you need it most. This evening, I was helping my kids brush their teeth. By this time of night, I'm pretty spent, so I tend to be all business. My son, however, was still in goof-off mode. He was sitting on the sink, practicing his spitting. He likes to see how much spray he can get when rinsing his mouth. If it gets all over the sink, good. If it gets all over the mirror, even better. If it gets all over Mom, great!

Rather than get soaked, I opted to take my daughter out of the room. I found his shenanigans funny the first couple of times, but now I'm starting to dislike my soppy sweater sleeves, and tooth-paste covered hair. Anyway, I was about half-way up the stairs when I heard a thud. I stopped for a moment to see what would happen next. Once you've been a parent for a while, you stop running after every little bump, instead you wait for a scream!

He didn't scream, but I did hear a, "Mom, I need you!" I quickened my step and headed back to the bathroom. I found my son lying on the floor next to the toilet bowl, looking slightly bedraggled, and a little wet in the face. He seemed okay, so I started to laugh and said, "What happened?"

He answered, "Well, I was sitting on the sink, and then I stepped backward to stand on the toilet bowl. I didn't know it was open, so I stuck my foot in the toilet, slipped, fell down, and got poo water all over my face!"

Obviously, now I started to laugh much harder to the point of cramping! Then, I wiped the poo water off his face, dried his foot, and praised him for his awesome stunt.

Perhaps he’ll think twice now before spitting his toothpaste at me. Probably not, but I'll take that over poo water any day!

Don't Tango with Rango!

So tonight we took the kids to see "Rango". I was pretty psyched all day.... You see, I've been a Johnny Depp fan since 21 Jump Street. I'll see any of his movies, even when he's playing a talking lizard! But I must admit, I was a bit offended by this flick. There was liberal use of the words, "hell" and "damn", tons of gun fire, spitting, bar room brawls, smoking critters, and a few misogynistic comments sprinkled about. There was also a majorly-creepy rattlesnake with a shot gun rattler! Granted, this movie was supposed to have a western flair, but still it seemed a bit over the top.

Now, I'm not the "keep your kids in a bubble" type of mom. I don't highly sensor our music or avoid topics that may seem controversial. But, I still feel like we should attempt to preserve their innocence as long as possible. It seems that that window is getting smaller and smaller, and frankly it angers and saddens me greatly.

We may be getting more and more desensitized as adults, but do we have to drag our kids into it? Can't they have at least ten solid years of being kids? Perhaps, my husband and I were negligent taking our kids to a PG movie without previewing it first. But honestly, do you really want to be those parents? To me, if you're going to market movies to kids, they should be appropriate for kids! Obviously, my thinking is naive at best.

I'm no Tipper Gore, but the shot-gun rattler almost sent me running for some parental advisory stickers! Okay, not quite, but you get the idea.

And then Chaos Ensued!

In my house, dinner time means complete and utter chaos! I don't know what it is about this particular time of day, but everyone seems to totally lose their minds around 5:00 P.M. Let's take tonight for instance... I was cooking dinner, in my usual stance, at the counter, giant knife in hand. Whenever I'm at the cutting board, my kids get the brilliant idea to wrestle on the kitchen floor, usually right by my feet. So of course I shout,

"Ah, giant knife in hand, please wrestle somewhere else!"
No response. I repeat...
"Guys, don't you see I have a knife in my hand, this is not the place for wrestling!"
Still nothing. So I banish them to the living room.

My husband attempts to give me a few moments of sanity, by wrestling with the kids in the living room, so I can get dinner finished.

Meanwhile, I have couscous cooking on one burner, ground turkey browning on another, and peppers roasting in a 400 degree oven. A song comes on the radio that reminds my husband of something funny he wanted to show me. I have to rely on him to keep me abreast of mainstream things like YouTube, since most of the time I reside in my own little world.
"Honey, check out this video on my IPAD!"
"Wow, cool. That dude from Radiohead is quite the dancer! Watch out, I need to stir this."
"Wait, now check out this video on YouTube. It's the Thom Yorke (Radiohead) video, but Beyonce's song, "All the Single Ladies", is playing in the background!"
"Ha ha, that's awesome. Okay watch out again, something's burning."

Enter kids... All of us are now surrounding the stove...

"Hey Daddy, what's that?"
"Oh, it's this video..."

Now I interject, as one of the kids leans in and is about to rest their hand on the burning-hot stove...

"EVERYBODY AWAY FROM THE STOVE!"

The kids scatter. Then I hear the jumping...

"Guys, please stop jumping on the couch."
No response.
"Guys, no jumping on the couch!"
Silence... except for the squeaking of their little feet on the sofa. I'm now about to lose it.

"THAT'S IT! IF ANYONE NEEDS TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOU'RE WALKING!"

They're still jumping, but at least my husband's laughing. He finds it thoroughly amusing when I become crazy, banshee mom!

My daughter now decides that she is absolutely starving and can't possibly wait 15 more minutes to eat. I'm still in crazy banshee mode, so I can't honor her request. Daddy, however, steps in and makes his famous egg salad.

Since our son would sooner eat an umbrella than a stuffed pepper, we ask what he wants to eat. He replies, "Pancakes."

I say, "Fine", but I'm making them my way! I stroll over to my handy, dandy Cuisinart and mix up oats, cashews, almonds, pumpkin seeds, and flax. I add one cup of my mystery mixture, with one cup flour, 2 eggs, and some goat's milk. I've never used goat's milk before, but the kid's half Greek for goodness sakes, he can handle it!

We finally sit down to eat. Well, my husband, son, and I sit down. Since our daughter already ate, she's busy tending to her "lemonade stand" in the living room. Every few seconds she comes in to deliver lemonade from a piece of cardboard. I still don't know if we were supposed to drink from the cardboard, or if the cardboard was a tray. All I know, is that every other bite was interrupted by an imaginary lemonade sip.

My son is enjoying the first few bites of his awesome pancake, but then becomes overwhelmed by an ever-so-slightly-too-large bite. He then runs from the table, into the bathroom, saying that this bite might make him throw up! Well, needless to say, that was it for pancakes!

My husband and I simultaneously throw our hands up in the air, banish both kids from the room (again!), and resume our meal. Indigestion anyone?