Flat Broke

Over the months I've written about various aspects of parenting, but I've managed to avoid all financial discussions. This wasn't intentional, I suppose my subconscious simply found the topic too depressing to mention. But I've decided that it's time to start talking about the fiscally crappy situation that most us are in.

Here's the thing... I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by intelligent, educated, and talented people. I, myself, am also educated and, dare I say, intelligent and talented. None of my friends are lazy; we're all willing to put energy and effort into our work, yet most of us are still flat broke! What gives?

I know that this is not the case for all parents. I've heard of some elusive creatures that actually pay all their bills on time, take vacations, and regularly stash money into their hefty savings accounts. I believe that these people exist, but I don't actually know any of them. If this fairytale I speak of actually exists, then what are the rest of us doing wrong?

Since becoming a parent, I've watched my peers fall into one of three categories. I describe them as such...

1. The "One-Uppers". The One-Uppers can be defined as the one-income household. One parent stays home with the kids and the other parent works outside the home. If I were to draw a visual of this couple, they would be sitting on an unbalanced see-saw. I call them the One-uppers, because each partner often feels the need to one-up the other. Basically, both individuals are working their butts off, but in totally different capacities. This situation can easily create a power struggle, because both parents feel under-appreciated and, therefore, need to validate why their job is more demanding. In most cases, the root of this power struggle stems from guilt and a need to be valued. The stay-at-home parent feel guilty for not contributing financially to the relationship, but still wants to be recognized for the intense (yet unpaid) work that they are doing. The bread-winner feels guilty for not spending more time with their kids and wants to be acknowledged for the sacrifice that they are making. My husband and I fall into this category. We benefit from this situation, because I have time to keep balance on the home front and my husband has the flexibility to work overtime knowing that our kids are taken care of. Unfortunately, the overtime is never enough, so we're still broke.

2. The "Tag-Teamers". The Tag-Teamers can be defined as the parental unit that works in shifts. I call them the Tag-Teamers, because one parent works all day, and then "Tag, you're it!", the other parent runs out the door. Most couples who find themselves in this situation rely on the income of both parties; often the second-income is a lesser paying part-time job. Theoretically, this set-up makes sense... there is no need to pay for childcare and there is a greater balance of financial burden. Unfortunately, this situation robs both parents of much needed down-time. It also eliminates time together as a family, and often results in limited sleep for one or both parents. This situation sucks, because there are literally no more hours to work, so both parents are exhausted and frustrated, because somehow they are still broke.

3. Finally we come to the "Take-Outers". The Take-Outers can be defined as the two-income household. I call them the Take-Outers, because these parents are often forced to order out every night, because they're too freakin' beat to cook! Let me clarify, that the Take-Outers are not parents with nannies and cleaning ladies. No, the Take-Outers are making just enough to justify their daycare expenses, but not enough to actually enjoy the fruits of their two-income salaries. This situation can get really tricky. In most cases, the combined incomes provide a little extra cushion and the parents can take solace knowing that they are sharing the financial burden. Unfortunately, what is gained in dollars is often lost in sanity. There never seems to be enough time to get kids to daycare/school, the house cleaned, dinner cooked, or work finished. And if someone needs to be home sick, the stress of calling out of work can be too much to handle. So once again, both partners are working like crazy, but still flat broke!

Needless to say, I don't know what the answer is here. The cost of living just keeps going up, and the wages keep staying the same. My husband and I live very simply, so there are few more corners to cut. We have a reasonably priced home, used cars, and inexpensive clothing. We rarely eat out and have spent very little on preschool costs for our kids. Most activities we do are free and we barely spend any money on ourselves. So unless we want to move to a commune somewhere, I don't really know how much more we can do.

It's obvious why I have avoided this topic for so long. This is a problem with no clear answer. But I do want to say this... I think we're all doing a pretty great job! Whether you're a One-Uper, a Tag-Teamer, or Take-Outer; we're all doing our best to take care of our families. It's not easy to raise kids, but we all care enough to keep working at it, and I think that deserves some recognition. So in between stressing about our mortgage payments, I think we should also give ourselves the occasional pat on the back. And for anyone out there raising kids as a single parent, I tip my hat to you! We may be flat broke, but we all get an "A" for effort!