I'm a Good Mom... Really!

Why do our kids like to do things to make us look bad? We love them, feed them, clothe them, but still they make us look like chumps at every possible turn! Since I'm the one who's home with the kids, it's usually me in the chump-chair, but yesterday, it was my husband. This lucky guy got the enviable task of taking our son to the dentist. When they got home, I knew immediately that it had been a "special" visit.

He walked through the door with steam pouring through his ears and fire blazing in his eyes. Our conversation followed something like this...

"Good visit?"
"The whining, oh the whining!"
 "Any cavities?"
" I just can't believe the whining!"
"He does like to whine, so... any cavities?"
" I'm so upset right now, I can't even believe it!"
"So... how bout' those cavities?"
"No, no cavities. His teeth are fine, he was just so obnoxious, I was SO embarrassed!"
"I hear ya sister!"

Apparently, our son complained, whined, and belly-ached through his entire dental visit. There was a lot of, "Are we done yet?" And "Ouch!" (even when the hygienist wasn't touching him). The embarrassment escalated further when the hygienist asked,

"So, does he eat a lot of fruits and vegetables?"
And our dear son said, "No." (Granted, he was being honest, but man! There he goes making us look bad again!)
Then she asked, "Do you floss?"
To which he replied, "Nope, never!"

Let's put in this way, he was so ill-behaved that the hygienist opted to skip x-rays, saying, "We don't want to push our luck." And the dentist decided to save his examination for his next 6 month visit. But guess what? The little "pain in the ars" still got stickers!

I truly felt sorry for my husband last night. The frustration, mortification, and utter confusion exuded through every one of his pores; a feeling I know all too well. But there was still a hint of, "Whew, at least it wasn't me this time!"

But today, I got my comeuppance for thinking such an awful thought. Once again, I had the extreme honor of hauling my daughter out of a childrens museum kicking and screaming. All the while, singing her three favorite words... "I HATE YOU!"

Sugar & Spice & Heartbreak

My husband and I are pretty lax about Valentine's Day. Some years we celebrate and others we kind of just let happen. There's usually some form of flowers or candy or goofy gift, but we tend not to go overboard. My daughter, however, thinks that this is the best holiday, EVER! A day devoted entirely to pink and red hearts, what's not to love, right?! She loves the festive glitter and garish pinkness. Honestly, it's hard not to get excited when you see the holiday through her eyes. My daughter, like my son, also happens to be a bit of a romantic, so this day is especially appealing.

Now, I've already told you about my son's heartbreak of the year, in my post, "Purple Dress"; here's another tear-jerker for you! Just like my son's sweetheart, my daughter's sweet baboo has also moved away. She planned on giving him a special card before his departure, but a snowstorm got in the way of their farewell. When she realized that she wasn't going to see him, she said, "But Mommy, I didn't even get to tell him that I love him!"

I couldn't let this love go unrequited, so I contacted his mom to get their new address. Unfortunately, her card did not make it there today, because she went a little crazy with the glitter glue. I had to allow for a few extra days of drying time. She, however, did get something in the mail today... a beautiful photo card of her "boyfriend".

She beamed when she saw his sweet little face! She spent the next several hours carrying around his picture. At one point, she came up to me and said, "Mommy, my eyes are watering." I said, "Oh yeah, why?" And she responded, "Because I miss my boyfriend so much!" Ahhh, young love!

This little boy may not know that he is her "boyfriend", but that doesn't seem to matter to my daughter. For her, this love is real, and his valentine made her day more special than any amount of pink glitter!

I Love me Some Gnomes!

How great is it that there's a movie out entirely devoted to gnomes?! This evening, my family and I went to see the epic film, "Gnomeo & Juliet", and it did not disappoint! Perhaps the story line was a bit predictable, but hey, why mess with the classics?! Actually, they did change the story line a bit, so it became predictable in a child-friendly sort of way. Regardless, I'm psyched anytime I get to "hang out" with some gnomes. At this very moment, I have a lovely gnome couple standing by my tree, buried under about 2 feet of snow. Gnomes, however, are highly adaptable, so they don't mind. My husband bought me this gnome-set for Christmas, to replace my beloved, Jim, the gnome. May he rest in "pieces"... I totally stole that from the movie! I told you it was epic!

Authentic Scottish gnomes. I took this picture myself. The "mooning" gnome is by far my favorite, obviously!

Excuse me, While I Crawl Under this Rock

Every few days, my daughter manages to say something that leaves me searching for cover. She doesn't mean to be rude or insensitive; she just happens to be very curious and inquisitive. This curiosity often leads to questions, asked loudly, almost always in public. Her points of interest usually involve people's physical appearance. Being the extrovert that she is, she tends to think out loud, rather than in her head. Needless to say, her thoughts are mildly filtered at best.

A few months ago, she decided to start questioning me at the library counter. She asks, "Mommy, why is her (the librarian's) belly so big?" Obviously, I ignore the question; hoping, desperately that the librarian won't understand her 3-year-old speech. My daughter never allows herself to be ignored, so she continues to ask the question, louder and LOUDER each time! The librarian finally says, "I don't have a big belly, don't say that." Clearly, she was offended. Needless to say, we don't take books out on Tuesday anymore!

This embarrassing incident is slightly my fault, because I rave about my daughter's round belly on a daily basis!  I love her belly! She loves her belly! So I know she wasn't being mean to the librarian, she was simply interested in why her belly was round too. But how do you explain tact to a 3-year-old? Answer... you don't!

Today she asked one of her favorite public questions, "Mommy is that a boy or a girl?" She loves this question; it pops up regularly, especially when she sees a woman with short hair.When this happens, I quickly pull her away, hoping that the victim didn't hear the question. Today, however, she asked the question about the woman following us into the public bathroom.

This woman did not have short hair, but she was wearing a uniform and had a deep-ish voice. So, my daughter asks the question, and I quickly herd her into the handicapped stall, so we have more room to maneuver. Of course, the man-ish woman, goes into the stall next to us. The next few minutes proceed like this...

"Mom, I said... is that a boy or a girl?"

In hushed tones, "Honey, don't ask that. It might hurt her feelings! It's a girl!"

In louder tones, hoping to cover up the sound of my daughter's voice, " Come on sweetie, you need to pee, let's go pee!"

"No, Mommy, THAT'S A BOY! Is that a boy or a girl?"

In hushed, angry tones, "Honey, I told you to be quiet! Don't ask again! It's a girl!"

Once again louder and desperately attempting to change the subject, "So, did you have fun today? Are you excited about school tomorrow?"

No dice

"Mommy, IS THAT A BOY OR A GIRL!"

Now, covering her mouth.

"Mommy!" (in muffled tones)

Pushing my hand away

"I SAID..."

Hand covers her mouth again, thinking to myself, "I can't believe I'm holding my palm over my daughter's face; this is definitely not the best way to handle the situation!"

I hear the woman come out of the stall, and another woman starts asking her questions. This other woman has a walker and is waiting for the handicap stall. I can't bring myself to exit the stall until I know the boy/girl has left the bathroom. I feel very guilty for making the woman with the walker wait, so I opt not to use the bathroom myself. I'll just hold it, it's okay.

Once the coast is clear, we exit the stall. I apologize to the woman with the walker, quickly wash hands, run out the door, and don't look back. Where is that darn rock when you need it?!

To Fight, or Not to Fight

We can all agree that parenting is tough. But I think we should also acknowledge that marriage is no cake walk either! Even the most loving of couples can find themselves at odds from time to time. So I ask you, how do we handle these stormy moments?

Before having kids, my husband and I would throw daggers at each other from across the room (figurative daggers, of course!) We would spit fire at one another for a while, and then cool down the inferno with some chilly silent treatment for several more hours. I remember one particularly exciting argument early on in our relationship... my husband stormed out of the house screaming, "I'M JUST GOING TO GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!" My response was, "GOOD, HAVE FUN!" I couldn't take his threat too seriously, since he was heading for the road in front of our house, which was a dead end with a 15 mile an hour speed limit. I figured he was pretty safe.

Over the years, our arguments have become fewer and farther between, but they still creep up on occasion. It's impossible to merge your life with another person, without ever experiencing disagreements, hurt feelings, or sheer annoyance! When kids come into the picture, however, it's harder to weather these times. There never seems to be a good time to fight, but is it wise to avoid fighting in front of the kids altogether?

Obviously, I don't condone regular screaming matches around children. Watching your parents argue is extremely upsetting for kids; it brings up intense feelings of fear and anxiety. How can a child feel safe, when their parents are acting completely out of control?

That being said, it can be equally damaging to have parents who never argue. Everyone has a friend whose parents divorced once the children reached adulthood. Often these adult children are completely floored by the news! Usually the first thing they say is, "But I never even heard my parents fight." Just because people aren't fighting doesn't mean they aren't harboring some serious resentment. Often it's the things we don't say that breed the most anger.

So where does that leave us? As parents, we can't participate in all-out fistycuffs or regularly inflict the silent treatment on one another. This makes me wonder..... Can the occasional fight be okay, as long as we fight fairly?

Kids should understand that adults don't always get along. Most of us do our best to respect and appreciate one another, but sometimes even the most mindful people fall short. Maybe it's okay for them to see our imperfections, wounds, and shortcomings. Perhaps, they should see that people can get super-angry at each other and still truly love one another.

Whenever my husband and I do fight, I really work at being honest and fair. It's extremely challenging to be compassionate when you're angry, but then again, that's a sign of true compassion. It's easy to be loving when your boundaries are not being tested. It's a piece of cake to be kind when no one is pushing your buttons! I may not always say the right thing and my emotions can get the better of me, but I still force myself to think of love, even when I'm hugely pissed off!

I want our children to stand up for themselves. I want them to speak their minds. I want them to have opinions and values to fight for. But I never want them to fight dirty. It is possible to tell someone that their attitude needs adjusting, without telling them that they're a piece of crap! It's also possible to share opposite opinions, without making the other person wrong. It's even possible to set aside one's own hurt feelings, in order to see the situation more clearly. Of course, doing this in the heat of the moment is not always easy. However, I think our children stand a much better chance of taking the higher ground, if they've had the opportunity to witness it through their parents.

So next time your spouse hurts your feelings or fails to appreciate your efforts... think, before you react. Take a breath and choose your words thoughtfully. Reacting from pure emotion generally ignites the situation, and rarely sets the stage for a fair fight. Don't allow yourself to get dumped on, but don't do the dumping either. Set the record straight, speak honestly and from the heart, and avoid hitting below the belt. Teach your kids that there's a healthy way to disagree. And when you do dish out a low blow, own up to it and apologize accordingly.

And if at all possible, don't go to bed with anger still brewing. Negative emotions in any form are toxic, but negativity that's had an opportunity to fester is far worse! So do yourself a favor, let it go! We are all "works in progress"; hopefully, tomorrow we'll be closer to becoming a masterpiece that we are today.

Picky Eaters

This post is for anyone with a particularly picky eater. I happen to have a child who shuns every vegetable he meets and stares at most dinners with disdain. Even the typical "kid foods" like mac & cheese and chicken nuggets upset his gag reflex. Only very select smells, flavors, and textures pass his test. Needless to say, feeding this child is a Herculean feat.

His staple foods consist of... cereal, oatmeal, granola bars, cinnamon toast, grilled cheese, Nutella on bread, pancakes, and waffles. I do my best to make these limited selections as healthy as possible; I buy or make whole grain breads, add ground flax seeds to his cereal, and make his pancakes and waffles with enriched batter (although he prefers the frozen waffle variety!) Despite my efforts, I still see monumental room for improvement. I've used every trick in the mothering book, such as...

• Offering vegetables repeatedly. They say a few times should do the trick. Yeah right, I'm still falling short after a few years!
• Sneak veggies into tomato sauce. Well, what if your child doesn't like tomato sauce?
• Offer small quantities of a new food. What if he refuses to eat even one pea? Is that quantity too large?
• Offer no other options. This suggestion generally ruins dinner for the whole family, no thanks!
• Don't let him leave the table until he's finished. That's a great idea; let's create all negative associations with food. I imagine he'll thank me for that one later!

So you see, this is an ongoing struggle in our home. I have a solid understanding of nutrition and I love to cook, but my son just won't take part in my culinary adventures. Unless, of course, my kitchen expeditions include baking cookies, cakes, muffins, or pastries. In these cases, he's an eager explorer!

But tonight, I was determined to get a vegetable in my son, and not just any veggie- spinach! I've made my kids crazy juice combinations and smoothies in the past, but I've never successfully passed off a green drink. The stars must have been aligned today, because both of my kids polished off their vitamin-packed beverage! My son obviously wanted to know the green ingredient, but my husband opted to bend the truth slightly in this particular circumstance. Fearing that total honesty would result in our son "totally" not taking another sip, he answered with, "Food coloring, green food coloring." Ahhhh, parenting, it can tarnish even the purest souls!

So, if your child falls into the, "I'm going to shoot myself if I have to make another pancake for dinner!" category, then I suggest you make this. I've coined this drink the "Green Monster". I figured adding "monster" to the name would make it that much more appealing, and what do you know, it worked!

Green Monster

2 hand fulls of fresh baby spinach (organic, if possible)

1/2 cup plain yogurt (Greek yogurt is best)

1 cup milk (more if you prefer a thinner consistency)

1 banana

Honey to taste

Add all the ingredients into a blender and blend away! Note, blend mixture long enough to puree the spinach leaves completely (you wouldn't want those pesky green bits to ruin your efforts!) Another tip... place in the freezer for a little while to achieve a milkshake-like consistency. Enjoy!

Vampire Fangs

I sometimes worry about whether or not I'm providing my kids with the best childhood possible. Who am I kidding? I worry about it all the time! Money is always tight, so we can't go to as many places as I would like. My husband has to work overtime every week, just to make ends meet, so we have less free time together as a family. We don't live on a perfect tree lined street, where we walk everywhere, and know all of our neighbors. And my kids don't spend hours a day exploring the great outdoors, which seems like something that children should get to do.

Needless to say, I spend a fair amount of time agonizing over the day to day. But then I look at a photo like the one above, and it forces me back into the moment. My kids may not have perfection... no one does, but they do have freedom to be themselves. Our home provides a sacred space for our family to grow. They can be who they want, when they want, without judgment or humiliation. Even when they choose to be a hybrid Batman, vampire, Harry Potter!

We may not have the funds or the time to travel around the world (or even the state!), but I can make our home a place of love and creativity. I trust that this is a significant ingredient to a happy childhood. So when my kids are grown, they may not have memories of fancy vacations, but hopefully they'll remember the vampire fangs!